You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
