that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
