They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize