I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
