I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
