i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
ok first of all what the fuck
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
