There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
