I just saw a hot homeless man
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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