you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
