He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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