I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
