man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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