I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
