I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
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I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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