I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
