New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
