people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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