never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
