it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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