its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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