First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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