I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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