...so i touched it.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
jump out the window naked night went bad
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