I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
