I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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