I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
