My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
