Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
