so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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