I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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