yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
