Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Less talking, more tequila
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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