I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
