nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
barbara walters just said penis...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How naked do you want me to be?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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