Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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