We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
