Your dad touched me again.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
