we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
