He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
