That's when you crack a 10am beer
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
