Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
