I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
