Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
