she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
