Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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