So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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