Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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