My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
