Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
