K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She is in my trunk
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
