i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
