I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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