Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
