he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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