Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
