Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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