trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
