The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize