Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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