My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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