yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
