sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
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